These past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions and decisions. It's all a blur really, and I am just now beginning to focus. I left everything I knew (and everybody) and here I am. I am finally settling in. It feels good, and I am beginning to love it here. My mom always taught me to make the best of situations, to smile even if my heart is heavy and see the sun in the sky even when the clouds are enormous. So, I am.
I've learned a lot, and I'm learning. I'm not talking about school (I don't want to talk about that right now.) I've learned that I need substance. I learned that this summer and it's even more apparent here. I need to share conversations with substance and purpose and community. I need to listen. I need to share dreams. I need to share hearts. I've also learned that I have hardened mine. I've always thought that was a bad thing, but, I'm not so sure now.
I think this is okay. This is the way I was made, to feel things. To say things and share things. I don't know.
My brain is scattered but I just needed to get that off my chest. I can't think right now, I have studied more in the past two days than I have in the past year (no, I'm not kidding.)
I had a conversation with a friend the other night. It was weird actually speaking some things that I have been realizing lately. To realize that my heart and ideas towards things (i.e. marriage, love, etc.) To see my story and read where it's being written. To sit on the front row of a script that is playing out daily...
I'd like to say this isn't happening. I'm afraid it may be.
________
Barefoot on beaches dancing against the grain, Here's to the man of your dreams. I take it all in a box and make my way down to the shore, Throw it in and begin to leave it to the waves