I remember when I first learned about grace. I was 5. I had just stolen a little toy motorcycle from the Meijer in town. And by steal I mean: I conceived the greatest plan any little boy could. I waited until my mom wasn't looking and put MY prize on the belt and then snuck around the other side after it was scanned and took it off. She never saw. What I hadn't thought out was when I raced that beautiful bike across the dashboard, my mom would immediately wonder where I got it from. That's why I didn't write Oceans 11. They called me for Oceans 1, but it never went through.
Ok but really, I remember when I REALLY learned about grace. And oh my gosh was she gorgeous. Oh wait...It was about three years ago. And then the day after. And the day after that. I learn about grace every day, is what I'm getting at. I think it's when I started to pay attention, that's when I realized it was there. I started listening again this week. And I needed it.
I live on an island. I am alone about 73.2% of the time. I'm okay with that, sometimes. But, by sometimes I mean not most of the time. I love people. I miss people. I miss interacting, and laughing and being stupid. Sure, I miss being serious but most of all I miss running through the streets and laughing wildly with people that are close to my heart.
I've been going to a group, we meet every Sunday night, there are about 100 of us. We play songs, even sing them too. We close our eyes and we listen and we hear. I never thought I would miss church. Yet, in the past 2 years, the idea of church has made more sense than it ever has. I think I (couldn't we all admit this) always thought Chruch was a place for ME to unload my burdens and pray and sing. I've realized it's so much more than that. The whole idea can be summed up in one word: love. Sure, I've heard that before. But I mean, I REALLY miss just listening to somebody who has no ear to talk to, loving somebody who's heart has been broken, holding a child who has heard their whole life they are not good enough. Showing them the same grace I learned about three years ago, when I decided to embrace this thing. I realized the other day in our "church" that it doesn't matter what we're there for or what church we attend...we're all singing the story of a broken people who have been embraced. We're all writing stories of a people who love others, without regard and without question. We love endlessly, because we've been loved. We love in spite of mistakes. We love in spite of the stench of alcohol on another. We love in spite of being hurt and broken. We love in spite of being lonely.
Listen. I'll be the first to admit, I'm not one to write this stuff. I'm not one of those people who talks openly about how I am blessed and how God is good all the time. I mean, I am. And He definitely is. Think of me what you may. Maybe I just needed to hear this. Maybe I just needed to hear that it's okay. Maybe I just needed to hear that though I fail and fall and stumble and break and cry and bleed and sweat, it's ok. It will be alright.