I just returned from a two week long vacation on capitol hill, the lakes of Virginia and the coasts of carolina. I am never good at returning to "life" from vacation, I can't readjust my mind and my emotions. Better yet, it was spent with GREAT friends and good laughs, the kind where your inner core hurts from laughing so hard. I sat on the beach all day, I was STILL for hours. I'm not good at being still. I'm not good at shutting my mind off. I'm not good at resting.
I finished The Alchemist a few days ago. At this point in my life, it was meant for me. Every line gripped my heart, every word jumped off the pages into my head. It really spoke to where I'm at.
Let me preface. Basically, a shepherd boy leaves his "safe" life for a life unknown. As his destiny begins to beckon him, he follows his dreams through the desert, learning more about himself and about God than he has ever before. He learns about his heart by speaking with it, and this is where I got wrapped up:
"We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly."
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."
I'm learning that my heart has deceived me. I'm learning that I've let my emotions rule my decisions and my emotions rule my heart. For fear of suffering, fear of rejection, fear of being alone, I have let my heart deceive me. Somewhere along my journey, I've misplaced dreaming with safety. For fear of being hurt, I've allowed my heart to retreat, I've settled, I've slumbered.
I thought a lot about settling this week. It's as if we all start out with these huge dreams, inconceivable ones, yet as pieces get chipped away and as the storms come we begin to settle for lower cliffs on the mountain. We allow our heart to tell us that "it's okay for now, maybe later" or "you don't deserve that" or "what if...what if you aren't wanted...what if this is as good as it gets." I'd like to say that it's not. It's never as good as it gets. It's always better. You always deserve more.
Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You’ve got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.
Listen to your heart. But only after you've learned it.
____________________________ _______ _______
I don't leave things left unsaid often. I see something I want, and I go for it. I dream about it, both day and night.
Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight
The days last one way ticket train pulls in
We smile for the casual closure captured herein
But there goes the downpour
Here goes my fare-thee-well