How does one make an entrance after two months of not writing? I suppose it's rather hard, so I'll dive right in:
Reading Bright Shiny Morning. The dialogue is brilliant. Over the past two days, a dozen characters have crossed my path, and I've met them in the midst of their tragedy, minute or tragic. (Tragic Tragedy? Is that even a word?) Amazing. I've been pondering moving to California these past few months, and this book opens my eyes. I'm not sure if it has helped at all, but it has once again shown me how many people in this world are lost. Not lost in a religious sense (that too) but lost in the fact that they are here on Earth and have no clue why. They are drifting through time, wandering beneath the cosmos with no conscience.
Speaking of cosmos: I'm at a cottage on the beach with my family. Everybody is sleeping, and as I look away from the glowing keyboard and slightly dimmed screen of this machine, give my eyes a chance to relax, stare up, I see something so much bigger than myself bigger than me. As the darkness begins to overtake my view specks of light start to twinkle, and I see just how small I am. The waves carry my thoughts as they break the silence of the night, with each passing crest a new second, new memory, new thought, then withdrawing quickly.
I've come to cherish times like this. I remember when I was younger, times with family at the beach meant a new boogie board, maybe even a sweet sharks tooth necklace. This also meant a good fight with my brother, hopefully I could get a good chunk of hair next time we punch each other (sad, I pulled hair, but he was bigger than me, cut me some slack.) My mind was set on the next sand dollar my foot would graze, the place we would be at for dinner and somehow my mind thought the pepperoni on the coming slice would be vastly different from the one a week before.
With the waves, time has come and gone, selfishness has faded (fade |fād| verb - to lose or cause to lose color or brightness) and the light of this moment, the ambiance from the cosmos glows brighter. I've come to cherish these times. I was teaching Jonah (read: coolest 5 year old nephew in the world) how to boogie board and as the waves would come and knock him down and take him under he would slowly get back up. With time, the waves became stronger and his little muscles became weaker, it became harder for him to rise but Uncle Kevin was there to hold him and pick him up. I grabbed him from the depths of the four foot hell held him in my arms. He put his head on my chest, and then kissed my cheek. I've come to cherish these moments.
Mom laughing, making mom laugh, making fun of mom which causes mom to laugh, making fun of myself which gets the same reaction followed by a "Oh Kevin, you know that's not true," burning a hot dog garnering the same reactions from mom, you get the point here. Cherish these moments.
Life is so much more than Los Angeles, more than the MCAT, more than a boogie board, rent payments, going out with friends, the next big movie. Life is your nephew holding on for dear life with waves crashing around you and a board strapped to your foot, peeing on the beach behind the pier at night with said nephew, just because you can. Burning a hotdog, wearing your sisters bikini to make her laugh, listening to your mom snore, chasing crabs on the beach at night, sitting on a daybed with people you love talking about nothing and everything. Thats life. Cherish these moments.
"And God must be a pretty big fan of 'today', because you keep waking up to it. You have made known your request for a hundred different yesterdays, but the sun keeps rising on this thing that has never been known. Yesterday is dead and over. Wrapped in grace. Those days are grace. You are still alive, and today is the most interesting day. Today is the best place to live."